Why understanding Emotional Intelligence is a MUST

Researchers have found that people are happier when they are with other people than when they are alone.

The most important part of all our lives is our relationships. The interaction with other human beings, the feeling of being accepted by another, the feeling of connecting with others,the feeling of love and feeling of connection that we experience in our lives is what keeps us going. Research has proven that healthy relationships can make THE DIFFERENCE in one’s lives. So why then do we often jeopardize these relationships with hurtful behaviors. What do we do when we interact with others? We expose them to our behaviors. Some of our behaviors are nice and loving and exude warmth, at other times we shout and scream and criticize and act like a cynic with others. The reason we exhibit these actions is because these external behaviors are a portrayal of our emotions. What we feel inside is what we display to the outer world. We are not trained as children or even as adults to understand our emotions and display it in an appropriate manner. Some of us our lucky that we learn it on our own, but most of us do need help to understand the different emotions and how to display those emotions without subjecting other people around us to hurtful behaviors. It is definitely possible to tame down our actions and display our emotions in a better way. But that can happen only if we understand our emotions as we go through them. And that is why Emotional Intelligence is a very important topic for all of us to learn and understand.

‘Name It and then Tame It’

For instance – a few years ago, I would often feel frustrated when my son would not do what was expected of him and sometimes that frustration would peak as anger and I would then scream at him. I hated myself for doing it. But just could not control myself in the moment. As I tried to look for ways to overcome this problem, I came across the ‘Name It and then Tame It’ method. It is a simple method of identifying the emotion in the moment. So when you feel frustrated take a moment to acknowledge I am feeling frustrated right now. And take a deep breath and indulge in a sensory experience. And by that use one of your 5 senses and do something. Some examples, jump on the spot, count to 10, splash water on your face, look away and focus on some other object intently and get your mind to think about only that object and observe the details and so on. Indulging one of your senses is a great way to ‘tame’ those burning emotions. The change of behavior by indulging in a different sensory experience confuses the mind and helps in diffusing the raging emotions.

So the key to success in all our relationships – whether it is with our spouses, children, parents, siblings, co-workers, friends, acquaintances and even strangers is to become intelligent about our emotions and then learn to control and express them in the right way.